Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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