Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize