Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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