We need to rekindle our bromance
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
