There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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