The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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