Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
