we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
