Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
