community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
