I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
