somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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