My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
