I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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