did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
even my farts smell like vagina
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize