thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
