...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
how drunk are you?
Several
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
