i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so let's talk penis.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
