you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
