he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
