I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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