guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize