I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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