1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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