if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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