They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
