Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize