Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
