awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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