I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
