we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
