I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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