Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
