you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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