Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize