He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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