I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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