We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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