batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
