my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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