Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
