whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
