Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
