A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
