Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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