Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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