Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
