I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
