tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
