i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
