He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
