If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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