There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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