So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
