I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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