There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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