How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
