im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
