you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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