I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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