you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
