wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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