One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
