ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
