I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
