How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
