he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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