I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
