small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
