He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
