When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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