Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
