i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
