tonight lets celebrate not being married
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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