i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
