a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna fight the coyote
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
God, I missed his penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
