come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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